Making the decision to get married is a huge step in the adult phase of our lives. Getting married to someone means that you will be making a serious commitment to be with the person, till death do us part. It is every person’s dream to be able to marry someone that would be able to love, cherish and support them, as well as be a good parent to their children, for the rest of their lives.
That, however, is easier said than done. Every year, numerous divorce cases are reported citing a myriad of reasons, from irreconcilable differences all the way to domestic abuse and violence. These alarming numbers are the reason why we need to carefully choose our partners and get to know them well, before taking the big leap into matrimony.
Getting to know them, in this context, is not only to befriend them and learn about them on the surface, but, is also a process in which you reach deep down into the person’s soul and get to know their innermost self and their ideals.
#1 Personal Goals
Speak to your partner about what is it that want to do in life, and what their personal milestones are. Figure out which one is their top priority. They could be interested in marriage and the prospect of kids but, if they have another goal in mind, say, to achieve a certain status or position in their career, it may be a grueling time for you because their attention may be given entirely to achieving that goal, leaving you and the children feeling neglected and alone. Have an open discussion about both your personal goals and expectations in order to strike a mutual and working balance.
Before jumping into a lawfully binding commitment, it would be wise to understand every facet of your partner’s self. Note how they react when angered or disturbed. If they are unable to control their anger and show specks of violence in their behavior, you may want to head for the hills. Almost 80% of the time, such violent behavior is carried into a marriage and despite your efforts, it may be quite hard to get rid of that violent, impulsive and abrasive streak in your partner.
Dig deep into their familial connections. In a lot of marital issues, it is not the partner that is the problem, it is their family members. Toxic family members can put a strain on any marriage and create a rift between the two of you, if you are not careful and tactful enough. Meet your partner’s family and get to know them before marriage to try and gauge their characters and how they interact with the people around them. This would give you a good idea on whether your partner (and their family) would be a perfect match for you.
Health is also a significant factor when considering the decision to marry someone. Some people may be a carrier of a genetic disorder and may not know about such familial genetic disorders until the time they decide to have kids. Children are often the most difficult subject to tackle when it comes a marriage union and having kids with serious genetic disorders later into your matrimonial life may just put a strain on your relationship. Also, a history of their relationships would be beneficial to see if they may have unknowingly contracted STDs from their former partners.
Money can be a make and break factor in your marriage, depending on how much the both of you value money over one another. You will need to map out how financials will be handled and organized as well as split the financial burden of raising a family equally between yourselves. Besides that, some career changes or dreams of furthering study after marriage may cause some financial strain so it would be best to have an open discussion about these “financial black holes” early on.
All in all, a marriage is a union of not only two people, but also their mind and their soul. You will need to fully understand your partner and their needs in order to be able to strike a compromise. Keep discussions open at all times and try to see things from their perspective, especially in times of conflict. If you feel like your partner is not telling you everything that you need to know, a simple people search would be able to uncover the details you need to know before leaping to the married life.